Delusional writing. Go read about the uniban nazi.

I hate to go back to same effing thing, but don't you sometimes feel like you're an expectant? You're so tired or bored you just sort of lean back and watch? Only you're not really leaning back, you're on autopilot. And that autopilot does the strangest things. And you can only be stunned by the words coming out of your mouth, or your new walk and that new way of staring at nothing every couple of sentences? And what's so weird is that you're not making any effort. You're not thinking. Or at least the thinking doesn't become words. And yet there you stand, apparently really interested in discussing food packages, saying how much you like pizza. No need to focus, no need to feel the doubt, just talking and listening and gesticulating, sort of the same way you make your heart beat, almost a reflex. And everything is so calm and... neutral. And you begin to wonder where the hell that girl came from, and why had she been away all this time. Don't you ever feel like that? Don't you have the impression that sometimes the person speaking isn't even you? And it's not even a bad thing, specially not while it's happening, it's just so weird.
Okay, maybe I'm way too bored and sleepy and my brain is on standby due to the fighting bacteria stage. Or maybe I only make sense to the little person coughing in the back of my head. But whatever. What are blogs for anyway?

Confia na idiota

Já que a oportunidade veio, lá vamos. Acho que todo mundo já ouviu aquela história de "Em você eu confio, o problema são os outros". O que embora clichezaço, faz sentido, afinal adoramos uma história cavernosa de menininhas inocentes que são drogadas e violentadas/seqüestradas/mortas/afins, além do mais é uma variável sobre a qual você não tem controle, então não dá nem pra argumentar. Mas para mim, isto soa mais como se você fosse confiável porém idiota. Como se você não fosse ficar bêbada, mas também não fosse perceber que o cretino do lado colocou alguma coisa no seu refrigerante quando você saiu para ir ao banheiro. Como se você não fosse agarrar ninguém, mas também não percebesse que a maioria é babaca bom de lábia. E aí dá vontade de falar, "Mamãe, eu já vi CSI, até demais. Papai, vocês já me fizeram tão paranoica quanto humanamente possível" eu já sei o que pode acontecer, eu já estou assumindo os riscos e tomando todas as providências para que eles não ocorram. Mesmo. Acho que isto está incluso no pacote "CARETA". Aliás, de que adianta formar uma criatura careta, law-obeying, que não sucumbe à pressão do grupo (parcialmente porque também anda com bela e careta gangue), vê resultados em suas ações, importância nos estudos, se o mundo lá fora vai continuar sendo o argumento principal para o "não" absoluto? Ouvi até um "ela nem tem perfil, não bebe, não vai a lugares cheios e barulhentos, não fica com ninguém... não tem porquê ir". Curiosamente este foi aceito como supporting argument para os meus pais. Vai entender. Vai ver que se eu fosse uma puta bêbada e surda ia fazer mais sentido e me permitiriam.
O que me incomoda mais ainda é que daqui a um pouquinho mais de um ano eu serei maior de idade, oficialmente. Quer dizer que perante a lei eu já posso andar por aí sem precisar de autorização parental. Se eu for fazer universidade fora da cidade, vou morar fora. Cara, daqui a um ano e um poquinho eu posso estar morando sozinha (ou tão sozinha quanto financeiramente possível) e eu ainda sou considerada incapaz de dar uma voltinha sozinha, ou ir a uma festinha não-tão-comum? Serei tão responsável e chata quanto sou agora, e o mundo vai ser tão problemático e assustador quanto é agora, mas, de alguma forma extraordinária, vai ficar tudo bem. Será que é só porque os meus anos contarão dezoito?

Guia Essencial de Tipografia para Professores

...(e outros profissionais que fazem/tentam fazer apresentações ppt) - já que esta capacidade parece faltar na maioria deles.

I Lei de Ouro: NUNCA, sob qualquer hipótese, use Comic Sans. EVER. Just say no. Sério. É feio. Não é profissional. Incomoda. Poupe sua audiência de uma tortura dessas.
II Lei: Títulos NÃO precisam ser em capslock. Capslock é usado para ÊNFASE, assim como itálico. Estou falando sério.
III Lei: Em geral, é bom usar fontes seriff para o texto e sans para títulos e subtítulos. (Seriff são estas bonitinhas como a Georgia, Garamond, Times New Roman, Courier New e a detestável Monotype Corsiva, com todas as voltinhas que, em teoria, facilitam a leitura. Sans-seriff são as mais básicas, como a Arial, Verdana, Tahoma, e a detestável Comic Sans, que chamam mais atenção e não ficam esquisitas em tamanho grande.)
IV Lei: Não use Monotype Corsiva. Sério. Sei que curvinhas e voltinhas te lembram de monogramas e a única fonte default do Windows Office que tem isso é a Monotype Corsiva, mas por isso mesmo ela impregna um zilhão de anúncios, plaquinhas e praticamente todo tipo de cartões. Faz parecer que você tentou fazer ficar bonitinho mas não com tanto empenho assim. Baixar uma fonte nova e bonitinha, com curvinhas, não é tão difícil assim. Olhe as de script da Dafont. Procurar fontes é divertido, dê um descanso para os clichês da microsoft, por favor. Mas, se você persistir neste HORROR favor lembrar que suas maiúsculas são para começo de frase, então o capslock dela fica deveras estranho. Não importa se você gosta das tais curvinhas.
V Lei: Não precisa colocar efeitos. Não mesmo. Já passou o boom dos olhares aturditos para as letras que de repente caem e formam títulos. Nem precisa se incomodar com eles. Mesmo. Colocar fotos, no entanto, é um exercício talvez interessante, dependendo do assunto. É só colocar uma pequenininha do lado. Tem até no modelo automático do Office. Quão difícil é isso?
VI Lei: A cor das fontes importa, e ela depende do fundo. Particularmente, gosto de fundos pretos porque acredito que a projeção fique melhor, mas tem muita gente que não gosta - e creio que a maioria dos seres que usam Comic Sans não sabem mudar o fundo de qualquer maneira - então atenha-se a fundo branco, fonte preta. Quer inovar? Coloque um vermelhinho e azul para grifar, mas ainda recomendo aquele vermelho-vinho e azul-marinho - senão fica parecendo publicidade ruim. Mas vai que é por um motivo didático de choque/marcação na retina? Porém quão difícil é usar preto, vermelho e azul, com cores NEUTRAS? Fuccia não vai muito bem. Choca. Mais que vermelho. Mesmo. Choque constante perde o efeito e meio que cansa. Só uma recomendação. Mesmo.

E acho que é só. Por hoje pelo menos.
Go Garamond, Out Comic!

Just popped on my head and i´m too bored to explore the subject

My Sister´s Keeper **
Okay. Out of 10, it´s a 4. Out of 5, it´s a 2. And it´s not only because it´s a truly horrific adaptation (sex? honestly? on the cutest, sweetest cancer-love-dying-kid story? NOT cool), but because it also feels weird. Like it´s staged. Like it´s not real (which I know sounds like a weird comment on a fictional work, but the things that look most real are fake - hello, we are studying Fernando Pessoa). Kinda like Twilight. Only worse. ´Cause in this one there are actual scenes with ONE freaking sentence and the devastated look from Cameron Diaz. And things just felt... artifitial. C.D. didn´t feel SO fake, just more hate-able than the book one. And she always had the nice dying girl to make it up. Still... it looks like they thought it was an easy story - who doesn´t like moving cancer stories with little death-conscious girls?
Blargh. Sorry. Very disappointing.
I miss Julia.

Becky Bloom
I just finished reading the first volume (which cost me a productive weekend studying History, so I´m catching up now, thanks very much, Br), and it was so damn weird. I had a Bridget Jones, delusionally funny image of Becky Bloom, which sort of came out of the - very cute - movie. And she is sort of Bridget-y. Only it´s also terribly sad. Because as you read you feel her lack of control, her desperation, she must get that, so that she can feel a tiny bit better about herself. That scene on Octagon-? got me weeping. Probably just as much as the - real - ending to My Sister´s Keeper. The thing is, everyone feels bad for the cancer girl, everyone should. But people like Becky Bloom, who also deserve a great deal of compassion or... I don´t know, something, don´t get it. They´re just crazy people with credit cards.
The ending got me all messed up - she´s still a goddamn shopaholic! (But I guess that´s more believable than the movie magical version.) And she´s British! I love that she´s British.
Bitting off fingernails so I don´t read the other one tonight. Must. Learn. About. Crazy. Portuguese. Fellas. Who. Ran. Off. To. Brazil.
Maybe I should read 1808. You know, since things like THE DANISH MASSACRE by England´s navy months before they escorted D João to Brazil and that MAY have had some sort of influence are COMPLETELY neglected. Oh, effe it. 1808 it is.

why does 'vampire diaries' feel so goddamn twilight-y?

Novela

Assisti um tantinho da Caras e Bocas e lembrei porquê eu não assisto novela. Aquele trechinho da garota com câncer, que o tal do Benjamim está rejeitando, é meio irritante. A garota propriamente dita já é tão fraquinha... Da última vez que eu assisti, ela estava chorando desesperadamente - mal, diga-se de passagem - porque sofreu uma mastectomia e falou que o cara não sentia mais atração por ela, e ele não negou. Recado para todos os namorados/companheiros/maridos/amiguinhos/ou-sei-la-o-que-voces-acham-que-sao: nuuunca faça isso. Nunquinha. A não ser, lógico, que você saiba o quão idiota você é. Nesse caso, vá catar coquinho. E o tal de Benjamim é um baita de um idiota - "Oh... eu me apaixonei por ela porque ela era viva e alegre e de bem com a vida... e agora..." E AGORA QUE ELA TÁ COM CÂNCER VOCÊ SE PROVA UM COMPLETO BABACA!
E qual é a do "vamos raspar a sua cabeça porque você vai fazer quimioterapia"? Não dava para esperar ela COMEÇAR o tratamento, perder uns cabelinhos e DAÍ decidir raspar tudo? Também não vejo o porquê de chorar tanto para cortar cabelo. Ca-be-lo. Novidade, minha querida, CABELO CRESCE. Que tal voce parar de chorar, acabar com o cancer, crescer cabelo, botar umas roupinhas mais bonitinhas e achar um cara MENOS babaca que o judeuzinho indeciso? E daí quem sabe escrever um livro sobre a sua grande jornada. E expôr o babaca. E fazer muito dinheiro e mudar para... Copacabana? (Se passa em SP, mas todo mundo fala carioquês...)
Get a grip, woman!
Rggghhh. Novela me deixa com raiva. Por que eu não estava assistindo a Two and a Half Men? Não dá para ficar brava com ELES.

Familiarity

You know one thing that really bothers me? It´s about the whole normal/abnormal thing. It´s when people act like it is the most normal thing in the world to do what they are doing, and I see it as the strangest thing ever, because it´s not on the book.
When I had my intern-thingie last year it was a nightmare. Not a nightmare in the common sense (sure, Anglo didn´t pay for my insurance so I couldn´t touch anything until I finally got one myself, but it was a nice lab-experience and I got to be amazed with several biological processes), but it was the strangest thing not to follow a set of rules. The first month I didn´t manage to find the ones who were in charge of making us do something, so I just stood there and watched as people were jungling petri dishes and long, pointy seringes. I´m shy, I only asked stuff if it was a completely maddening procedure and the researcher was looking prone to answer it. It felt so ridiculous not to know exactly what I should do - well, not knowing what to do at all. And then I finally joined people my age who had the scholarship and insurance and thus power to make an actual experiment, and I got to watch and make notes and listen to the instructor´s guidelines. I knew how to behave, I followed the others and stayed way back whenever there were Bulsen thingies around.
But what really bugs me is that no one else seemed uncomfortable, no one else seemed completely lost. They all acted normally - nothing was a surprise, nothing was unusual. And I thought "How the hell do they do it??" while gaping at graphs and charts filled with Salmonella recognition info. Then some time ago I found myself in a situation that was not unusual, but still unfamiliar, and I acted just as I had seen people do. Nonchalant-ly. Indifferent. And it suited me. It was still fiction, but there was no other way to react. So that got me thinking that perhaps all those people back at the lab (and so many others) were doing just that. Too lazy to figure something else out. Adopting what they had once saw, read or heard about.
When I moved schools, from the mostly traditional to the mostly "cool", it was a shock. I couldn´t find anything, I couldn´t understand why the teachers actually presented themselves as people, with ideas and classes that went further than the rulebook suggested. I couldn´t understand how grades could be improved with some begging, and deadlines postponed with feasable explanations. That had certainly never happened before. And four years later, it still freaks me out sometimes. So how long do you have to be in contact with something until that becomes familiar? Or acceptance has nothing to do with time? I´m pretty sure if I go back to the old school, it won´t feel non-awkward either.

Things are just too damn weeeird. Slowly trying to change the "everything that is not customary is essencially problematic" kind of reasoning. Any suggestions?

My Sister´s Keeper

Okay. I´ve just finished reading the interview with the author in the back of the book, so NOW I´ll finally return it to you, C, and you´ll be able to spread the weeping-leukemia-story joy to the girls.
I don´t really know if I like Jodi Picoult or not. I know she´s got style. I know she has that annoying habit of stopping the narrative just as it´s getting good and inserting some long lost memory (honestly, does that ever happen in real-non-middle-age-crisis life? I don´t think so) and then going back at the story when you´ve already forgotten all about it. I know she can work the first-person narrative so you don´t die of boredom. I know she likes to include all the polemic she can put her hands on. And I specially know she´s a cruel author - and not the Stephenie Meyer they-raped-and-left-her-to-die-in-the-cold-freaking-night sort of cruel, but the 'Making plans is challenging God' sort. And for all of that, I look foward to reading her other books. But the thing about her interview is that she tried to put a reason behind everything, and I mean everything, and that seemed like forcing it. Even if she did quote The Catcher in the Rye. Not everything happens for a purpose. I guess she´s more Freudian and more metaphorical than I´d like.
But then again, if you ignore the interview you can put meaning into the bigger, screaming things. Brian being a firefighter, for example. It´s great because then she can include all the fire and the rescuer wanting-to-be-deep kind of sentences without sounding too bold. But him being the only one who works in the household is already huge. Not only does he have somewhere to escape to whenever Kate´s issues get more complicated, but he also gets the perspective that Sara so irritatingly lacks (that combined with the astronomy factor is pretty fantastic).
Sara is the character that most bothers me. And Jodi Picoult makes me feel guity about it, afterall she is the mother of a dying little girl and that must be excruciating and blablabla. True, she should feel like the world is about to crack over her head, but she also should be a mother to all of her children. She´s so focused on Kate possibly relapsing again that she doesn´t see her husband or Anna or Jesse, and they´re all screaming for her attention, and it might be a little too much for one person, but just add that to the list of unfair things. The whole part where she describes her pregnancy and delivering Anna is just maddening, she treats her not like a baby, but rather like an organic... thing. The only one excited about having another girl is Brian, and even so, when talking about the night she was born, neither of them stood by her side, they all ran to Kate´s hospital room. That, in my non-mother non-sister view, is called neglecting. Reading how she acts and what she thinks, you kinda want to scream and point out the fact that Kate has been fighting leukemia for 13 years, and Sara has been focused on the bad all through them. What´s the point of sacrificing her children, husband and herself just to keep on being miserable?
Other than the leukemia-part, the book also has tons of sibling relationship issues, which looks new to me because as an only child I always picture it romantically. It all sounds much more complicated now: Kate feels like everyone is giving up things for her (which is true, but not her fault), Anna feels like she was only conceived because of her sister and therefore not really wanted for who she was, but what she could give; Jesse feels like he disappointed everyone because he wasn´t a match and can´t do anything for Kate. Everyone feels bad. Come on. (It´s like that House episode, with the Chinese adopted girl and the later biological ones: the adopted felt like she was disposable since they had managed to have children of their own, the biologicals felt they were disposable because they hadn´t been chosen. Everyone felt bad. People are really messy, aren´t they?)
And if you, like me, tend to hate those dying-cancer-guilt, Buy Me, sort of best seller, behold: there´re nice romantic plots parallel to the dying, and nice human characters that will bewilder you. And bewilderment is just too good to be missed.
Julia is on my Wanna Be list right next to vampire Jodi. (unnecessary comment, but she´s greeeeat. how could i not talk about julia this whole time?)
reeead it. scared of the movie. i think they´ll ruin it. AGAIN.

-
(pluuuus, see that cover? It´s a movie picture, but it doesn´t scream 'movie picture', it´s watermark-y without the actors´ name on top because it´s a BOOK. It´s cute. If it was this version I wouldn´t have read it. BOOK not trashy soap.)